Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
