take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
