Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
