you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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