i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
