just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
