as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
