that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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