Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
