You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
