Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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