another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
