Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
