Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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