dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
