Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
