I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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