I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
