I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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