It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish i was in the wii world.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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