you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize