You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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