I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
