My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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