shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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