i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
