The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
