I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
