just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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