I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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