I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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