can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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