She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
