remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
