I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
