Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
