I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize