Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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