I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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