fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
