Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
