and you said cock pushups were impossible
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
