she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
