we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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