This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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