that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
