So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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