VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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