gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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