I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
