I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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