i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
