and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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