guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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