This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
