He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
