apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i dont even know how to be here
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
