The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
