Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize