Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
