I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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