If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
