He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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